Thursday Thoughts – Spanking and Sex

Thursday Thoughts is a weekly column in which Ms. Victoria Kay, a Phoenix-based Disciplinarian and Spankologist, provides her insights to reader questions or those posed by All Things Spanking. Thursday Thoughts columns are archived on a page of its own in addition to being available through the normal search feature. Please email if you wish to suggest a question for Ms. Victoria.

Question: Spanking involves an element of eroticism considering that one’s derriere has many nerves with some running through the pelvic area, and also involves a certain degree of intimacy between the participants. Many enthusiasts feel that spanking is, therefore, a sexual act. Others adhere to the feeling that adult spanking is not sexual, and involves role play separate and distinct from sex. Could you discuss?

Ms. Victoria says: Certainly.

As I’ve said before, sexual energy is of the most powerful forces in the universe, and it’s a motivating factor to receive a spanking. However, the “benefits” and experience of spanking encompass many non-sexual aspects.

To some people, spanking is more sexual then others, with pendulum swings from the only thing that “gets them off” to not aroused at all.

I do agree whole heartily that spanking is an intimate act. By intimacy I mean a closeness between top and bottom. There is a huge vulnerability factor that sets the stage for this on the bottoms end and then a genuine caring and selfless giving for the top. Now I’ve heard of some tops being distant and cold, but to me this is not ideal. In order to give a good spanking, one must be in tune with the spankee and when a top shuts themselves off, these energies can not be felt enough to really engage and give it how it needs to be given. It is a misconception that one must either be sadistic or shut off emotionally to give an intense spanking. In fact, the contrary is true.

Another relevant thought here is that to me a beautiful part of spanking is how there is the intimacy and care, arousal, release of stress, invigoration and optimally transcendence without the actual act of sex. Some clients have even said they prefer a good spanking over sex if you can believe that. 😉

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One Response to Thursday Thoughts – Spanking and Sex

  1. Tom says:

    I’m happy to read this from a respected disciplinarian. It echoes my own thinking on the subject.

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