Read all about it

So, you want to spank someone, but don’t know how? Or, you’re a spanker who has already reddened that first tush, but wants to review technique or learn more? Or, you want to get deeper into your “bottom’s” headspace? After all, there is more to it than just slapping skin as in “high fiving.”

Quoted below, you’ll find an excerpt of Vivian’s newest release, “How to Give a Spanking: Advice from the Receiving End.” Written by the same author, this 165-page book is designed for partners of people who want to be spanked, and can be used along with “How to Get the Spanking You Want” as a way of communicating about spanking in a relationship. It’s written in the same down-to-earth, easy-to-use and compassionate style as the first book (though more with “Mars” in mind!), and contains insights and advice you won’t find anywhere else about how to get your partner to fulfill your spanking desires. As with the first book, it’s written using he/she for clarity, but is also useful for GLBT relationships.

If you’re interested in either, or both books, link to the publisher’s site for all the details. A bundle purchase discount is available, and there is a “guilt free” option wherein you can share your e-book with others without violating copyright laws. Read all about it at the publisher’s site.

EXCERPTED FROM “How to Give a Spanking: Advice from the Receiving End”
(Variant Books, 2009, All rights reserved. Reprinted with Permission.)

The Implement is Everything

The implement that’s being used to spank with, most of the time, forms the heart of a spanking fantasy. It’s no accident that spanking fiction is often categorized not only by who’s spanking who (male/female, male/male, etc.), but also by what implement is used. Everything else about the fantasy – all the other details of the fantasy – are often based around the choice of implement.

Very few people are indifferent to which implement they get spanked with, and almost everyone has strong preferences about which implements they are most excited by and which ones leave them cold.

It might make no difference to you whether you spank your partner with a belt, paddle, hand, hairbrush or whatever else, but it probably makes all the difference in the world to her. One might send shivers of delight and dread up her spine, and the other feels alien and uninteresting – and maybe even a bit silly.

The strong preference that most spankees have for which implement they are spanked with is why it’s important for the two of you to agree on which implement your partner will be spanked with, rather than you just choosing on your own.

Even if your partner insists she wants you to choose, it’s important to find out which implement(s) she fantasizes about. Choosing the right implement gets your spanking life together off on a positive footing.

The starring role of the implement in most people’s fantasy spankings is good news for you, because it means that if you can get your partner to tell you which implement she most prefers, you will probably be well on your way to understanding what kind of spanking she wants you to give her.

In this chapter, we’ll look at the positions, wardrobe, language and other details commonly associated with the most popular spanking implements: the hand, paddle, belt/strap, cane, hairbrush, slipper and wooden spoon.

But before we do, a cautionary note: There is a good chance that your partner is not telling you the truth about what her favorite implements are.

To understand why your partner would lie about what she wants you to spank her with, think back to our discussion about
”real” spankings versus play or erotic spankings (“What Kind of Spanking Does She Want?” Chapter 1). We talked about how she might be too embarrassed to admit she wants a real spanking, and therefore might tell you she wants a harmless play spanking or a sophisticated erotic spanking instead.

The same possibility holds true for her implement preference.

For example, she may tell you she wants to be spanked with a cane or a riding crop – not because she really does, but because canes and riding crops are sexy and sophisticated. Now, it’s possible that she really does prefer a cane or a riding crop. But it’s equally (or perhaps more) likely that she’s really fantasizing about a paddle or your belt or a hairbrush or your hand – none of which are quite as sexy and sophisticated as that sexy riding crop.

The discussion about which implement someone wants to be spanked with can be an embarrassing one. Getting that specific about our fantasies can be pretty scary and it may take a bit of coaxing to get her to tell you what she wants to be spanked with.

One good rule of thumb here is that the implement she’s the most reluctant to talk about is likely to be the one she’s the most excited by. Spanking is so much about the embarrassment factor that as a general rule, the more embarrassed she is by an implement (or anything else spanking-related), the more likely it is that something is exactly what she’s secretly hoping you’ll do.

For the sake of this chapter, however, let’s assume that she has, in fact, told you the truth about which implement she prefers. What follows, then, is a (very!) brief summary of the kinds of spankings often associated with various spanking implements.

It’s important to emphasize that this chapter really only skims the surface of the rich content of spanking fantasies and should in no way be considered the definitive guide to what your partner – or anyone else, for that matter – fantasizes about with regard to spanking.

And you’re probably tired of hearing this, but I’ll say it again: to really know what your partner is wanting with regard to any specific implement requires communicating openly and honestly with each other. The information in this section is a useful starting point for discussion. It is not a substitute for that discussion.

Also keep in mind as we run through the common implements and their associated fantasies, that this book is not intended as a “how to” for using these various implements. Each implement has its own techniques that you will probably want to learn if you’re going to spank someone. You might consider asking your partner to do the research and pass it along to you – she will probably love an excuse to surf spanking websites in search of material to share with you.

So that said, let’s go over some of the more common fantasies and attributes associated with the various spanking implements.

The Paddle

The paddle is the traditional implement used to punish students in schools in the US (or at least the ones that still use corporal punishment). If your partner prefers the paddle, chances are pretty good that what she’s looking for is a more formal, ritualized punishment along the lines of what she may have received (or wish she had received!) in school (or at home, but in a more formal relationship dynamic like a stern father in his study, for example).

While, of course, everyone is different, there’s a good chance that if your partner’s preferred implement is the paddle, she’s probably looking for a more formal, less intimate spanking experience.

For many of us, the paddle has strong associations with fantasies involving being sent to the principal’s office, being spanked by a coach in the locker room or by a teacher in the hallway or in front of the class.

Getting a formal paddling from a teacher, coach or principal is usually a very different experience from getting a spanking from a parent (or a lover, for that matter!). While a parent may, for example, be loving and compassionate with a child who is being spanked (or perhaps, in fantasies, overtly angry), a teacher, principal or coach will probably maintain a certain amount of professional distance. This formality and distance may be a huge turn-on for your partner, and part of the reason she’s attracted to the paddle.

If your partner’s preference for the paddle does indicate an interest in a more formal spanking, you can make the spanking more exciting and fulfilling for her by adopting this more formal tone in your approach. You may find that the more formal and severe you act, the more excited she will be by the experience.

For example, while your parent might call the person they’re spanking by their first name or a lover might use an endearment, a principal or teacher might use the more formal “Miss So and So.” A child may not be required to address her parent as “ma’am” or “sir” before and during a spanking, but this type of address is often standard when being paddled by an authority figure at school.

In addition, children being spanked at home often feel they can negotiate or wheedle their way out of their spankings with tears, bargains or begging. Very few students (if any) have found that any of these tactics are effective in the principal’s office – and usually would be considered undignified.

A spanking with a paddle is often referred to not as a spanking, but as a “paddling” or as “getting swats” or “getting licks.” If you grew up in the South of the US, you might call a paddling “getting pops,” as this is a common term used in high schools in the South (particularly in Texas).

You might find that your partner is very turned on by your using these specific terms to refer to a spanking with a paddle – that instead of telling her she’s getting a spanking, you might find she’s more turned on to be told that she’s just earned herself a paddling, or a certain number of “swats.”

You might also find that specifically directing your partner to “bend over and put your hands on your knees” (or whatever position you’re putting her in) in a stern, principal-style tone will be a big turn-on for her.

In keeping with the school atmosphere, paddlings are usually (though not by any means always!) given over clothes rather than bare bottom like a hand spanking. You may think this makes the spanking less severe than it ought to be, and in many ways it does – except that, of course, the swats you give with a paddle are usually much, much harder than those given with the hand. And depending on what kind of clothes your partner is wearing, you (and she) will probably find that clothing doesn’t actually offer much protection against the power of the paddle.

Even though paddlings are traditionally given over clothing, that of course doesn’t mean you can’t give them on her bare bottom. In fact, being asked to “pull down your pants and bend over” for a paddling can send chills down the spines of many spankees.

And of course, you can always use the threat of making her bare her bottom during a paddling as a way to keep her in position – as in, ”the penalty for disobedience during discipline is that you get the rest of the swats on your bare bottom”

If your partner is fantasizing about the paddle, she is probably not looking for a soft, seductive experience. Chances are very good that what she desires most is an authentic paddling, complete with the not-so-insignificant pain and discomfort that goes with it.

The formality of a paddling also often turns the experience into a challenge for your partner, who may be excited at the challenge of taking her swats without crying like a little kid. Maintaining a “stiff upper lip” is consistent with the formality of a paddling. It’s much more embarrassing to cry and put your hands over your bottom in front of your teacher, principal or coach than in front of your parent or lover. If you went to a school that used corporal punishment, you may remember that those who got paddled were often looked upon with a certain amount of awe and respect for having “taken their licks” without a fuss.

Your partner may want that same opportunity to feel she has taken a serious paddling and survived to tell the tale. If you hold back or don’t give her enough swats, a part of her may feel cheated out of the full experience that she longs for.

Particularly in school settings, paddlings are traditionally administered in set numbers of swats, as in “your punishment will be ten swats with the paddle.” If a set number of swats is given, each swat is usually very severe – unlike a hand spanking, it’s quality, not quantity, that counts. There are usually fewer swats, but each swat is considerably harder.

It used to be that ten swats with the paddle was the standard punishment for misbehaving in school. These days, however, elementary school students in schools where paddlings are still given usually get one swat for misbehavior, whereas high school students tend to get two or three.

Of course, an adult who wants (and/or deserves) a paddling from her partner probably won’t be satisfied with just two or three swats – and probably neither will you. You may find that you’ll need to try five or ten or more to get the right effect.

When a specific number of swats is called for, each swat is often (though not always) given more slowly and deliberately, with a pause in between to build anticipation for the next swat. This type of slower, more deliberate paddling can often be wildly exciting to your partner as it provides those embarrassing, anxiety-filled “between swats” moments as she tensely waits for the next one to land on her increasingly-sore bottom.

In general, when giving a set number of swats, strive to make your last swat at least as hard as your first. She may not want this at the time (she may in fact be praying that your arm gets tired), but it’s a virtual certainty that when all is said and done, she will be more excited and satisfied with her paddling if each swat is equally hard from the first to the last.

It’s also traditional to make the last swat the hardest, to ensure that the sting on her bottom lasts as long as possible.

And finally, sound is probably an important part of your partner’s fantasy of getting the paddle. Since many of us went to schools where corporal punishment was given out of sight of other students, our most potent memories of spanking may involve the sound of swats being given rather than the actual sight (or feel!) of them. The “crack!” of the paddle – seriously applied – for a specific number of swats, often with the gasp of pain from the recipient in between each swat – can be one of the most erotic and powerful elements of a paddling.

In keeping with the more formal, school-style associations many people have with the paddle, a paddling is usually given in less intimate, more formal positions like:

1 Bent over, grabbing the knees, thighs or ankles (depending on flexibility)
2 Bent over a desk or a chair
3 Hands against the wall, feet spread

Unlike a spanking given over the knee, the positions used to give a paddling are often intended to be a bit awkward and uncomfortable. In fact, sometimes the awkwardness of being asked to assume a very uncomfortable (and undignified) position like bending over and grabbing your knees or ankles is a big part of what makes a paddling such an embarrassing (and therefore exciting) experience for your partner. And especially if your partner is a woman, being asked to assume one of these positions can be particularly undignified and “good” embarrassing, even with her clothes on.

Asking the person about to be paddled to empty their pockets is traditional in school settings, and can contribute to the embarrassment and ritual of the situation. And while you’re at it, you might want to tell her to un-tuck her shirt if it’s tucked into her pants or skirt, both to minimize any cushioning of the swats and to make the pre-paddling ritual a bit more embarrassing and real for her.

Now let’s move on to our next spanking implement, the belt…

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2 Responses to Read all about it

  1. charles says:

    I searched through my memory banks to recall the swats I could recall, from belts, paddles, hairbrushes, and switches. I recalled home, school, bets with friends, etc. Two things struck me- 1. I was never as brave as I wanted to be, and 2. I was often in a position to get myself punished (like “forgetting” homework for a paddling English teacher) but chickened out at the end. I feared the pain and chickened out of opportunities even though I enjoyed the idea of the sting and the reddening.
    If I had to do it over again, there would have been no pretence of courage-I would have cried, hollered, jumped, etc. as much as I could. Reacting with tears and howls would make for a deeper, more profound memory.

  2. ms_behave says:

    Really enjoyed your article. Reminded me of a few of the swats I got from my mother. She made me bend over & touch my toes. I was lifted to my toes many times!! She used a wide range of impliments. Normally it was the ping pong paddle, but she also used a ruler, flyswatter, and hairbrush! For me, the worst was the wooden spoon!! Because I was bent over, its crule curved surface would sometime spanked more than my poor bottom!! I’m not sure my mother knew, but many of her spoon swats would slap the tender flesh of my labia between my thighs!! Thoughts of those very personal “girly swats” still make me tingle!

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