In a recent All Things Spanking poll, twenty-five percent of respondents indicated they were not currently involved in an active spanking relationship, but were looking for a partner. Well, folks, I have become aware of a tool that may help you find that “special knee.” “HOW TO GET THE SPANKING YOU WANT” is an exciting new e-book that promises to help bottoms achieve what we all fantasize about and crave … the ideal partner for a memorable spanking. While the e-book is written from a female bottom perspective, the content can be extrapolated to also benefit male bottoms or Tops of either gender.
“HOW TO GET THE SPANKING YOU WANT” by Vivian
(VARIANT BOOKS, 2009, WWW.HOWTOGETASPANKING.COM)
“OKAY, BUT WHAT IF I LOSE MY NERVE?”
So you’re in the middle of getting spanked and it hurts a lot more than you expected it to. You want to be good and take the spanking you’ve got coming to you, but the pain is unbearable and you just can’t stand it a moment longer.
Before you even realize what you’re doing, you’re standing up, putting your hands over your bottom and telling your partner to stop — maybe in a voice that’s far from the submissive spankee you envisioned yourself being in your fantasies!
This is not an ideal situation, but it does happen and it happens often, especially at the beginning of your spanking life.
If you aren’t able to take your whole spanking, you will need to do some damage control to avoid doing harm to the bond of trust between you and your partner.
As distressing as your spanking may have been to you, your resistance is probably even more upsetting to your partner. He may feel like the “bad guy” who crossed a line, lost control and hurt you without your consent.
This is, of course, a potentially serious setback for your spanking relationship – unless you deal with it quickly and responsibly.
If you are an experienced spanking couple in an established relationship, you may have developed specific ways that your partner can respond if you resist a spanking, including agreeing that he has the right to force you down and back into position for your spanking.
And in fact, imagining your partner doing just that may be very exciting and part of your spanking fantasies.
But in real life, when you’re just starting out, this is a bad idea for both of you. Forcing you to take a spanking when you’re overwhelmed is much like putting a match to a powder keg – it risks putting you into emotional “overload” and seriously damaging the trust required between you and your partner in a good spanking relationship. In the beginning of your relationship, you and your partner simply don’t yet know each other’s spanking styles or emotional “hot spots” well enough to force the issue safely.
Instead, when you’re still learning about each other with regard to spanking, if you aren’t able to stay in position for your spanking, the best thing to do is to stop the spanking immediately before any more damage is done to either of you. This will give you the best opportunity to maintain trust and figure out what went wrong so that you don’t make the same mistake in the future.
Here are some steps to take if you’ve bailed out in mid-spanking:
Step 1: Don’t be too hard on yourself.
Yes, you messed up, but it’s natural and normal to do so. The more you can be matter-of-fact about your reaction, the less upset your partner will be, worrying that maybe he went too far and hurt you too much.
Step 2: Reassure your partner.
As freaked out as you might be, I can almost guarantee you that unless your partner is physically abusive (and if you’re letting him spank you, he better not be!) he is more freaked out than you are. As soon as you can get yourself under control and in a reasonable space, reassure your partner that you are all right and that he isn’t a bad guy. Thank him for spanking you and remind him that learning how to do this together is a work-in-progress and that it’s you that just messed up, not him.
Even if this isn’t strictly true – even if you feel that your partner spanked you too hard or in a way that you didn’t want – now is not the time to bring this up, unless you want to seriously undermine your chances of getting spanked again.
Step 4: Initiate some loving physical contact.
Give him a hug or touch his arm gently. Do something to quickly establish some positive physical contact. You don’t need to say much, just enjoy the touch and allow the endorphins from the spanking to subside.
Step 5: Talk briefly about what happened.
It’s usually not a good idea to de-brief about a spanking immediately afterwards, but if the whole thing falls apart before it’s over, you’d be wise to talk at least a little about what happened sooner rather than later. Talking about it as soon as possible will help alleviate any fears about what happened and avoid each of you stewing in your own fear and guilt about having “caused” the problem. So once you are both calm and out of the “spanking space,” consider talking briefly about what went wrong for you. But when you do, remember, now is not the time to criticize or blame either him or you for whatever went wrong.
Instead, you’re better of sticking to the facts and leaving the analysis of why things went wrong until later. For instance, you might simply explain that it hurt more than you were prepared for or that you were having trouble breathing or that you momentarily got emotionally overwhelmed.
Focusing on just the facts will help diffuse the tension of the situation and create a safe space where you and your partner can talk about what went wrong and work together to help it not happen again. Sticking to the facts will also help to reassure your partner and give him a sense of control and safety – as we’ve discussed, men tend to be most comfortable dealing with facts rather than emotions.
Step 6: Take your spanking.
If you want to establish a positive spanking relationship, you are probably better off finishing the spanking instead of just abandoning it entirely. This is similar to the classic advice about getting back on a horse if you fall off, so that you’re not afraid to ride horses for the rest of your life.
You may feel able to get back on the horse, so to speak, within a few minutes after things went wrong. Or it might take an hour or a day before you feel safe enough to take the rest of the spanking. But whatever you do, you’d be wise not to leave things the way they are.
Because you are much more likely to feel more anxiety when the next spanking rolls around if you haven’t stepped up and taken the one you didn’t finish. And this anxiety might, in turn, make it even harder to take the next spanking and so on and so on, until you’re in a such tangled mess of anxiety that it becomes difficult or even impossible to get yourself back out of it.
In addition, if you don’t step up and finish your spanking, you are probably going to feel lousy about yourself. You may, for example, feel like a coward, a fool, or even a hypocrite – spanking was your idea, and you couldn’t even go through with it!
You may also feel restless and incomplete, like you heard the first seven notes of the musical scale, but not the eighth one, or watched all but the last 15 minutes of a really good movie. Or like there was something really important that you had to, but can’t remember what it is.
So when you feel ready to do so – but ideally no later than the next day – go to your partner and ask him, respectfully and with great humility, if you could please have the rest of your spanking, (sir)?
And this time, stay in position and take your spanking like a good girl (or boy)… ?!
Link to WWW.HOWTOGETASPANKING.COM to read more, and to find instructions on how to order this text.