A Spanking Life Coach – Part 2

The following is the second part of an article that initially appeared in Wellred Weekly (Vol 1, #8, June 3, 2012)) and has been posted here with the permission of Harriet Harwood. Part 1 may be seen here. Harriet has been a long-time friend of All Things Spanking and is a respected NYC-based Disciplinarian. While 7 years old, the sentiments expressed in this article are still germane.

A Spanking Life Coach (cont.)
by Harriet Marwood

On a related topic, some people who are on a successful track under their own steam, after a productive coaching program, like to “re-enlist” for a “tune-up” every so often. For one thing, they find the spanking component of the relationship a great stress reliever. People can often get complacent when things are going fine. That is when the weeds of misbehavior can start creeping back. After a long time of doing all the right stuff it’s helpful to shock the system, perhaps tweak the routine a bit, look for novel ways to continue those positive results instead of letting things fall into droning sameness… a wake-up call. Not to mention, it just feels good to many people to feel like they’re not in it alone. Not only do they have a stern taskmaster, but also someone who is rooting for them to do well.

The Spankings

The spankings in a Life Coaching Program are no nonsense! It’s not role-play. It’s not a game. They’re punishment. True, real life punishment. How and when would a coaching participant get a spanking? Well, here’s the way I work it:

At the initial intake visit, we sit and talk. I spend a substantial amount of time with most people at this point. I have them answer a questionnaire that I send them, which they are to bring along to our first meeting. It gets us started toward clarifying what their goals are and what has been getting in their way. Once I get a handle on what their obstacles are, I zero in on the right approach and I give them a manageable number of simple, incremental goals meant to generate a learning curve of better habits while making strides toward the ultimate goal. Keeping it simple is the key to success. If you promise to accomplish a few manageable tasks, it’s less likely you’ll feel the onerous resistance that has thwarted you in the past. Baby steps. I send them off with a to-do list that we agree is useful and inspiring. But before they go…

Before they go off to test their mettle, we adjourn to my little ‘spankatorium‘ and I give them a taste of what awaits them if they don’t take their new commitment seriously. Prior to this, I have interviewed them and have a good knowledge of what degree of punishment they have endured in the past and what their limits are. This first “baseline” spanking is (a) for me to calibrate their tolerance level and (b) while not taking things to any extreme level, I make sure their spanking stings enough so that they remember that discipline hurts… enough to put a bit of healthy fear into them. This spanking is not the same type as a punishment spanking. That would defeat the purpose of that when they’ve done nothing yet to deserve such pain. The punishment has to fit the crime and if I start out thrashing them to high heaven, we have nowhere to go from there.

For many, spanking is also a reward. It fulfills some kind of emotional need and physiological or physical release. It can also provide catharsis from the frustration or self-judgment that some people carry for having failed at their attempts to get where they want to go. In this sense, spankos have an advantage over regular life coach participants. Where a conventional life coach can merely encourage and reason with a client, someone like myself has that secret weapon – the motivational value of which only the spanking enthusiast is intimately aware: the sharp sting of a hand, paddle, belt or tawse. It’s immediate, painful, and concrete. Logic and encouragement are nice, but when you know that, at the end of the day, if you did not get your work done you have to bend over and feel several dozen whacks on your bare bottom, most folks will cut the crap and get the work done!

Since every evaluation meeting ends with a spanking, spankos know that if they have done well, their spanking will be more like a play session. Although I will always end with a few sharp strokes to remind them what could happen if they slack off on their homework assignments. I find that most of my clients really want to improve their lives in the ways we set forth. It’s a paradox, but even though they love spanking, they still want to impress me with their hard work and get that approving “pat on the head” instead of a scolding and the harshest possible punishment. They also know that I am very capable of making a spanking much more than the emotional release or recreational fantasy that they love. I can make them really regret displeasing me. I can remind them why they want to go forth and prosper.

I have worked with highly successful people who are just way too busy, or simply very disorganized. I’ve worked with passive people who simply need someone else to light a fire under them and give them a kick in the pants every few weeks to keep that fire burning. I have to admit that my success rate has been astonishingly high, surprising even myself!

Over a year and a half period, I once helped a medical professional streamline, update and reorganize his office so that his staff no longer pull their hair out trying to keep him from log-jamming their daily operations. I continue to work with a fiction writer, making sure he meets the regular deadlines he’s responsible for. I have helped people improve their lifestyle habits and over-all health, clean and organize their homes, lose weight, improve their relationship with their significant other… there is really no limit to what coaching can tackle. And with the right ‘motivational tools’ amazing things are possible.

Oh, I forgot to mention one other thing: Life Coaching is a relationship. My clients and I get to know one another pretty well and, while we both take its purpose seriously, I make sure that we still manage to have a good time in the process. Getting what you want is very satisfying, even if it comes with an occasionally sore rear end!

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A Spanking Life Coach – Part 1

The following article initially appeared in Wellred Weekly (Vol 1, #8, June 3, 2012)) and has been posted here with the permission of Harriet Harwood. Harriet has been a long-time friend of All Things Spanking and is a respected NYC-based Disciplinarian. While 7 years old, the sentiments expressed in this article are still germane. Part 2 will be posted in a few days.


A Spanking Life Coach
by Harriet Marwood

I was chatting with a client of mine one evening a long while ago, and he started rambling on about the current popularity of “Life Coaching”. He suggested that with my “motivational talents” and my background in NLP and other psychologically based models I should offer a special curriculum for those who want to put some aspect of their life in better order. I pondered why I hadn’t thought of it myself? Then I realized: I had. I have been a spanking life coach for over ten years. I just never put a label on it.

When I accidentally stumbled into my vocation as a Domestic Disciplinarian many years ago I made a commitment to myself that I would engage with each person as the unique individual he or she is. Consequently, I became versed in many styles and approaches to discipline. As those people came to me, one at a time, we’d talk about their needs and desires and together we’d create the type of adventure we’d have together. Some wanted to play the role of a naughty child to my adult authority figure, being taken to task for some school infraction or household mischief. Some wanted to re-live a childhood memory. Many invented completely unique fantasies from which I got to make discoveries of my own. And some needed no pretense to be bent over my lap or my saddle rack and thrashed soundly with hand, paddle, strap, cane, or what-have-you. Just for the joy or pain of it. Or both.

But many people, male and female alike, came to me because (a) they were already spanking enthusiasts, and (b) they knew the motivational (and therapeutic) value of a good old-fashioned walloping on the bare behind! They wanted help tackling real life issues in self-organization or self-discipline that they had tried mightily to conquer on their own, too many times for them count, but could never seem to master. I sat with them for a long time while they talked and searched and groped for yet another bit of insight to crack the code of this problem. As they spoke I started watching their patterns unravel and demonstrate the limiting and self-sabotaging behaviors that brought forth the same unconscious, repetitious obstacles that foiled every plan that was earnestly made. I knew how to help. And these brave souls wanted help. At their request, we collaborated on a viable game plan of incremental goal-setting with the intention of conquering some over-arching problem over time. We mutually agreed on the steps of the plan and the appropriate interval of evaluation and supervision. And they each knew, that at the end of every interval they had to report to me, in person, and based on their results, receive a spanking of greater or lesser degree.

For some people, all it takes is knowing they’re accountable to someone else to get them to shape up. On their own they will default to habits of excuses and procrastination. But if they have to confess their progress to an authority figure, they can no longer hide behind those things. These are people who can and do get things done. Busy people who usually take on more than they should and, once committed, end up losing track of all the balls they’re juggling. When I work with such people, people who are accustomed to planning and taking action, they understand exactly what to do. They also understand what it feels like to endure the business end of a hairbrush, strap or paddle. Since they are accustomed to working a plan, this painful threat sets them in motion and generally they don’t require any interim supervision. We set up appropriate intervals for incremental evaluation. They report back each week, or every two weeks or once a month and prove their progress (or lack thereof). If they have fallen short, a good sound dose of the strap or cane seems to effectively get them back on track. It’s rare that this type of person falls into entropy.

Then there are the people who, bless their hearts, sincerely want to alter their behavior toward a more productive, satisfying course, but are just not naturally geared that way like the first type. They may be inclined to second guess themselves a lot, causing stress, which after a point, causes them to revert to avoidance via procrastination or distractions. They may be the type who over-think and over complicate everything, thus creating plans that overwhelm them before they even get a chance to start. That is a recipe for destruction. And distraction! These people benefit from an authority figure that breaks down their goals into simple, digestible incremental chunks. And then of course they have to execute those simple tasks… or else.

Some people are just not terribly self-motivated. They are pleasure-or comfort-seekers who will opt for the path of least resistance rather than for what they perceive as something difficult or time-consuming or challenging… even though once they tackle it they realize it’s not nearly as hard or unpleasant as they projected it to be. This is the type of person who usually requires a lot of interim oversight. I will frequently need to “stalk” such types – meaning that I will call, text or email them at random… just when they’re starting to think: Hey, no one will know if I skip this task. Or… It won’t really matter if I put off doing the set-up for this next project… etc., etc. Having to keep focused and make an accounting of their progress helps keep the fire burning under their feet. I also remind them of how much they dislike the consequences of not completing their assignments when they report me in the near future. Keeping our connection ever-present seems to be key to helping them take themselves and their plan seriously. The good news is that, over time, and with my often stinging “incentives” encouraging them to do well, they actually develop new, more productive habits that empower themselves to move forward without me.

But even when someone is self-motivated, and generally responsible and productive, anyone can fall prey to outside influences. For example, when people go on a vacation, it can prove difficult to resume their good habits, especially if they have not been rooted in them for very long. Also, a life change, such as a new job, a divorce, meeting a new love interest, etc., can throw a monkey-wrench into the works. That is why having a stern disciplinary consultant looking over their shoulder can be so invaluable. My coaching clients know that when their positive results start declining, they have someone who will not only call this to account, but will work with them to root out the reasons and devise mutually agreed upon steps to set things back on track. Nothing falls through the cracks or gets too far off track for very long. Once progress starts to veer too far off the rails, that is when resignation sets in and people start to revert to the path of least resistance. Anyone who’s ever been relatively fit and then starts putting on weight can relate to this. If you take the bull by the horns when the extra 5 or 8 pounds show up, you have far more motivation and more confidence to set things right. If you wait until you have to try and lose 30 or 40 pounds, you feel defeated before you start. I make sure that no one is allowed to reach this sad state of affairs.

… to be continued …

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It’s not Vienna sausage


University launches controversial anal sex workshop teaching ‘tying up and spanking’

A university has come under fire after an anal sex workshop was advertised with a banana and jar of chocolate spread.

Read it all here

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An Interview with Strict Lady Cloe

Note: The following interview was previously posted on All Things Spanking and is still germane and representative of Lady Cloe.

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Strict Lady Cloe

Lady Cloe is a Swiss national who is now based in New York City. She has a successful professional career, and secondarily helps men as a “behavior modification specialist” who administers discipline. Lady Cloe also spanks women at events or parties. She is a creative event planner and has taken acting classes. Her love and talent for role play evolved from these professional endeavors. All Things spanking has communicated with Lady Cloe on many occasions. She is erudite about her disciplinary interests and quite capable of administering what is needed.

ATS: Thank you for taking the time to chat with us, Lady Cloe.

Lady Cloe: It’s my pleasure and thank you for your interest as well.

ATS: What is your background story? How did you come to be interested in administering discipline and spankings?

Lady Cloe: I am a European Woman who grew up with a strict mother who administered a good sound correction to myself and my siblings.

ATS: Many people feel that a disciplinarian should know what each of their spanking implements feels like in actual use. Have you ever been spanked, and do you experience your “tools” before putting them to use?

Lady Cloe: Yes, indeed. I started as a bottom due to my strict mother. I know how most implements feel. Also, I think it’s imported for me to feel any new implements on myself first. I like to observe other disciplinarians’ techniques and styles. It’s a turn on, and I take what works for me.

I think having bottomed at one time brings more knowledge and understanding when applying OTK correction. It’s not only the physical part but the loving, disciplinary, mentoring skills necessary for you to use.

ATS: How long have you been active as a disciplinarian?

Lady Cloe: Over 15 years.

ATS: There are several different types of spanking such as judicial, punishment, maintenance, erotic. Which is your favorite, if any, and why? Do you administer all of them depending on circumstances and what the subject has earned?

Lady Cloe: Every OTK correction has its own story. For example, one might want to relive their past or discover a new interest. It depends on the recipient’s request and needs. I apply my judgment on what type to choose or to combine styles. It’s also a huge physiologic matter as to what someone can tolerate and their limits.

ATS: Is all your work related to corporal punishment, or do you also practice broader aspects of BDSM? What might those interests be?

Lady Cloe: I truly believe in female supremacy and love forced feminization. I’m very creative in role play and great with makeup and hair, shopping, and selecting the right outfit for the “girls.”

ATS: Your website indicates that you have undertaken “a deep study of male psychology.” How specifically has that helped in your disciplinarian role? Could you give us an example?

Lady Cloe: To understand the male, one must understand the situation that made him crave or want to be spanked. Only by communication can you gain that knowledge. I love reading about spanking and talking about the life history that led to someone loving or desiring an OTK correction.

ATS: A growing number of spankologists are taking their talents on the road and travel quite a bit. You have traveled in the New England and Mid-Atlantic areas of the USA, and parts of Europe. Do you have plans to travel elsewhere?

Lady Cloe: Yes. I plan to travel to Australia, and other sites are always possible. Stay tuned.

ATS: The use of spanking as part of life coaching sessions has been a growing trend and one that your website indicates you also engage in. How has this been going, and how does it truly differ from a pure spanking session?

Lady Cloe: I adore helping a person when coaching them in a difficult situation, and knowing that they better themselves with work-related issues, health, or family. Getting that thank you note makes my day. I build a deep connection with that person and often develop good trust and friendship aside from the spanking interaction.

ATS: What is your favorite implement to spank with?

Lady Cloe: I love my traditional wooden paddles and hairbrushes. I get excited when I find a “new one” that has been used before and has history to it. Also, I have a very good, strong hand. I live for a good stern sound hand spanking, followed by a paddle or hairbrush

ATS: What is your favorite position?

Lady Cloe: Over my knee with a leg lock. Diaper position. Standing, bending forward, sticking that bum out. Any position where I can apply the power I possess to a deserving bottom.

ATS: Many of your posts on Twitter and elsewhere contain slogans or short poetic pieces addressing a playful spanking style. Could you share one with us?

Lady Cloe:

The Lady and the bottom
I might be old fashion
But it’s my passion
Right over my knee
Don’t you agree?
You will say okay.
It’s my chosen way.

ATS: Why do you do this? What do you like about administering a spanking?

Lady Cloe: To me, OTK is not about being erotic, but it’s mentoring and accountability. It requires a very dominant mind, a firm hand, and sometimes implements. It’s all about strong, firm, feminine guidance, and, caring. Safety for the spankee is always a concern, and building that trust is very important.

ATS: Where would interested parties find you online, Lady Cloe?

Lady Cloe: I am on Twitter as “OTK Paddled by Chloe” (@OtkStrict) and oFetLife. My website is http://strictladycloe.wix.com/punishment-pro-

ATS: Do you spank by phone?

Lady Cloe: No. I prefer real-time experience.

ATS: Thank you for agreeing to this interview, Lady Cloe. It has been a pleasure chatting with you.

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Mistress Baton’s North American Tour

Mistress Baton is a South African Disciplinarian who will soon be touring North America. She describes herself as “… friendly, outspoken & dominant. A merciless, disciplinarian-type … who mostly plays fucking hard [but can play] as soft or as hard [as required]. … age, gender, ethnicity, body type, and other superficial distinctions are irrelevant.’

 

This is a wonderful opportunity for Canadians and Americans to meet and experience one of the world’s finest Disciplinarians.

Contact Mistress Baton by email at mistressbaton@gmail.com. Her schedule is:

  • Ottawa 19 & 20 April 2019
  • Toronto 21 April 2019 – fully booked
  • New York 23, 24 & 25 April 2019
  • Chicago 27 & 28 April 2019
  • Houston 1 & 2 May 2019
  • San Francisco 4 & 5 May 2019
  • Los Angeles 7 & 8 May 2019

Later this year, Mistress Baton will be in the UK, Middle East, Australia, and New Zealand with the final agenda to be announced.

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We Always Knew It

An interesting article from a few weeks ago in PsyPost. Read it all here.

BDSM practitioners report less sexual problems than the general population, study finds

Active participants in the BDSM community tend to report less sexual problems than the general population, according to new research in The Journal of Sex Medicine

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Erotic Spanking

Several weeks ago, an article on erotic spanking was published in Refinery29. There are many types of spanking as any enthusiast knows. Erotic is one of those and this is a good read.

A Very Complete Beginner’s Guide To Erotic Spanking 

by Erika W. Smith

Spanking is one of the most common kinks out there, and if the thought of someone bending you over the knee (or bending someone over your knee) turns you on, you’re in good company. A LELO survey of 1,100 people found that almost 75% of respondents had tried some form of BDSM, and of those people, over 80% had tried spanking. …

Link here to read it all.

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Off and running … from a paddle?

Hello, everyone! I am Mitch, and you may know that I previously published the blog All Things Spanking. After a twelve year run, I decided to end that blog as I had grown weary and felt a fresh approach would be good if I remained online. Well, here I am.

Some of the features I had on the old blog will be replicated here as they were highly successful. For example, the Disciplinarian listing and travel they wished to announce were oft-visited pages by readers. I will also, like many blogs, link to related sites in the spanking genre. I will post about spanking in the news, conduct interviews with spanking enthusiasts, and provide resource listings appropriate for both fledgling and seasoned enthusiasts.

I always welcome input. Please email me at any time.

Ciao for now.

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