Lily Starr is a spanking model and disciplinarian who is based in Southern California. She recently granted us an interview that is far reaching, intuitive, and entertaining. I think you will agree that Lily is intriguing, and certainly understands This Thing We do (TTWD). So, without further ado, let’s get to Lily.
ATS: Ms. Starr, thank you for taking the time to communicate with me. This has been a long time coming. If I procrastinated on other things as I have here, I might be meeting you in an entirely different way. Anyway, shall we start?
LS: Hi Mitch, my pleasure! Yes, you might, I have some very effective methods for dealing with procrastinators!
ATS: Everyone is always interested in the back story of spanking models and disciplinarians. You are both as you enjoy both sides of the paddle so to speak. So, how did a nice girl like you end up OTK in front of a camera, or applying a leg lock to hold someone in place?
LS: Well, as a lifelong spanking enthusiast who has also had a lifelong love of film and acting, I think it’s probably the most natural feeling thing that’s ever happened to me, a perfect blending of my passions. I did dream of being an actress since childhood. I never as an adult set a goal to be a spanking video actress and producer though. I kept doing things I wanted to do, and it really did just sort of happened. I had discovered spanking videos some time before, and loved them. I thought it would be cool to be in them, but I was shy and thought I was not “hot” enough for that. Most big budget companies making videos did not hire girls who weren’t thin. Things have become a bit more diverse in recent years, but I’m still not the norm. Back then, I didn’t see any models that looked like me. I first made self spanking videos to send to a long distance Daddy I had at the time. I posted them online for him to see, and ended up hired for a shoot. I hadn’t ever done anything like that and was insanely nervous, yet I loved the video creating process and was instantly hooked. At some point during that time, Spanking Tube came along, and I posted my self-spankings there. That was fun, but not enough. So I started asking guys who wanted to play with me if they would mind us filming it, and I started selling DVDs informally to friends and fans.
Through Spanking Tube, I met Kyle Johnson and Kat St. James. They too were just starting out, and were using Clips4Sale to sell their own spanking videos with some success. So, I made a store of my own, and we started making tons of movies together. We all had the bug, and it was great fun. My first camera was an inexpensive little handycam, but after selling enough videos I upgraded to an HD Canon to give them a more professional look.
As I started to build a name for myself, I found that people were interested in booking me for private spanking sessions. I am able to both give and receive, but there was a greater demand for professional female spanking tops than bottoms. In general, I also feel a bit safer topping with strangers, so I have gravitated far more toward that side of things. I will switch if I feel safe. In time, sessions became the bulk of my work, and I now do videos a bit less often although I still love making them.
ATS: Do you remember the first adult spankings you gave and received? What were they like? Could you tell us about them?
LS: Oh yes, somewhere out there is an erotic short story I wrote about my first adult spanking. I had a vanilla first husband who spanked me because I asked him to, but it was missing many essential elements. I consider the first time I met with someone who was also into it and played with me in the way I craved and had never before played to be my first “real” adult spanking.
It was the summer after my divorce, in 2006, and I happened to meet a local young man on the now basically defunct social networking site MySpace. We shared a lot of fantasies, and he also had not really explored them much in real life. The idea of playing Daddy to me appealed to him, and I had him over one night for cosmopolitans and spanking. It was magical. It was erotic, but it was also Daddy/babygirl, strict, hard, and he said all the right things, did all the right things. He pretended I was in trouble, and hand spanked me on the couch. Then he sent me to my room to wait for the belt. I waited nervously. When he returned, he made me get on all fours and stick up my bottom. He took off his belt, and whipped me into ecstasy. Long story short, we played a few times and we remain casual friends, but he ended up moving away after a few months of us knowing each other and it turned out that we weren’t compatible for a long term relationship in general. Still, I had found what I knew I needed in my life if I were ever to remarry.
The first spanking I ever gave was to Kat and on camera! She played my little sister who I caught stealing money out of my purse, and I spanked her with my hand and a hairbrush. I had been thinking about trying the other side of the paddle for some time, but the opportunity hadn’t really presented itself in an appealing way. The first time I went over to their house to shoot, we talked about it because obviously there’s a lot more versatility possible if you have two girls who can switch rather than two bottoms or tops, etc. Since I was curious to try it anyway, I was happy to give it a try on cute little Kat, and it came to me pretty easily. I think people who have never bottomed can easily be great tops, but I also think there’s some merit to the idea that it’s good to have bottomed before you dish it out. You have a better idea of exactly what the spankee is going through having felt it yourself. Over the years, I like to think I’ve developed into a skilled top. I really enjoy indulging fantasies and helping with accountability for others. It is fulfilling work.
ATS: Many spankers admit they were interested in spanking since early childhood, but thought they were either “nuts” or didn’t understand the dynamic. Did you harbor any childhood fantasies? Could you tell us about those?
LS: I think I have pretty much the same childhood story as nearly everyone else into spanking, having been into it as far back as I can remember. I looked up “spanking” and any and all related words in the dictionary repeatedly, starting at a very young age. I was thrilled by any references in books/movies/televison. I would get a funny feeling in my tummy and felt a fascination that I didn’t understand whenever it was mentioned in any way, or if I heard it happening to someone. Spankings were a bad thing, why did I find them interesting?
I had a very conservative father, and was raised exclusively on classic entertainment which actually contained a lot of spanking. My fantasies mainly revolved around David Janssen (specifically from his role in the old show The Fugitive) and John Wayne, both of whom I’d seen give spankings on screen. I also loved the spanking scenes from I Love Lucy.
I played secret (or maybe not so secret since my mom has mentioned it) spanking games with my toys all the time, and would try to get my girlfriends to spank me when they came over. That usually didn’t go over too well. It’s a shame I didn’t have kinkier friends! I used to play The Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe, line up all my dolls and stuffed animals and one by one spank them all soundly and put them to bed. So as a child I was definitely a switch. I think social conditioning caused me to develop into a young girl who was a submissive at the beginning of my exploration in the spanking world, and then the other side came out over time with experimentation and greater self-awareness.
I spanked myself for the first time when I was nine. I had a toy xylophone at the time and instead of flat panels the chimes were round metal pipes of different lengths. I remember looking at it and wondering how it would feel to be spanked with it, and I tried it with the longest one. It had a great sting, unlike anything I’ve ever found since. I started spanking myself it on a regular basis. I used that pipe a lot, but would test out anything if it looked like it might work, something I still do! I tried a great variety of kitchen utensils, hair brushes, bath brushes, and plastic hangers. If it was around the house and remotely possible to re-purpose for spanking, I used it on myself.
I was raised in a strict and religious household, so I was exposed to spanking a lot which likely contributed to my fetish at a young age. It also made me feel like something must be seriously wrong with me to keep doing this. It hurt, but it also gave me a feeling I enjoyed very much, and I couldn’t stop. I’d stop for periods of time when I felt particularly guilty or feared that it meant I was crazy, but the desire just wouldn’t ever go away. I don’t remember what happened to the xylophone, it was probably thrown away in a guilt ridden moment, sadly.
ATS: How did your spanking interests influence your choice of psychology for formal study?
LS: How did you know? Yes, while I find people and their minds interesting in general, hoping to figure out my kink was definitely one motivating factor in studying psychology. I found no answers for why some people are into spanking and some aren’t. After extensive study, I believe we are simply wired this way in some manner. It’s an orientation. Yes, I do think the majority of us had some sort of less than ideal to downright traumatic experiences in our childhoods that may have contributed, but so have a lot of vanillas who have no interest in spanking, so what gives if someone believes the popular notion perpetuated by the media that it’s a disorder? I can’t find one common factor among all spankos except that we are all into spanking! I believe it is similar to being gay. I have always been this way, will always be this way, and I don’t see anything wrong with it. On the contrary, it brought me a great deal of joy and success in my life, once I found others who understood.
ATS: Conversely, how does your psychology knowledge play into your spanking interactions as a Top or bottom?
LS: Spanking is very much tied to psychology on a deep rooted level. So I do think having an education in that field is directly related to my work and helpful in my spanking interactions. I’m not a mind reader, but I am able to read people pretty well for the most part, which can be helpful as a top with someone new. If communication is open, I can usually understand and deliver the type of spanking a bottom is seeking. I really enjoy being able to work with someone new and give them exactly what they’ve been imagining all their life. It makes my heart swell when someone in, say, their 50s or beyond, sees me for their first spanking ever and I see their euphoria and gratefulness to finally try this. That is probably the single most rewarding thing I get to do in my work.
ATS: Disciplinarians who combine coaching into their practice are a growing segment of our community. Given your psychology background this would seem to be a natural fit for you. Do you coach individuals or couples? Could you comment on how that is done and received by the client?
LS: It does come pretty naturally, especially because I tend to be a motherly type as well. I really care about people and when they are truly seeking help in the manner of consequences or motivation to help them get or keep their lives on track, this can also be very rewarding. As work and family keep me too busy to have time for constant contact with anyone, we will generally have an agreement where they send me a weekly report letting me know how they did with following the rules and goals we have set. Everyone is different, so the reasons for the rules and consequences vary, but they know that the next time they see me they will be held accountable and so it helps them repeat the bad behaviors less often. Of course, this only works if the client is honest in reporting. But when they are willing to commit, it can have great results.
I have worked with some couples, usually a vanilla wife who comes along to either see that all is above board (don’t blame them at all) or sometimes even to participate for fun. I have done some technique demonstration if asked, but haven’t really been asked to do much coaching for couples. I would be open to this if it came up.
ATS: There are a number of different spanking styles such as maintenance, playful, judicial and so on. Do you have a favorite style? Why?
LS: Just about every style appeals to me on one level or another. I crave them all as a bottom and can play them all as a top. Never met a spanking I didn’t like. That said, I think I always have and always will gravitate to domestic style scenarios and anything discipline related. They go back to my earliest fantasies and will always be close to my heart, especially as a bottom. As a top, I tend to naturally have a maternal and caring manner. Role plays are fun, real discipline can have rewarding results, but I also enjoy giving a “just for fun” spanking where I get to experiment with the bottom and watch them simply enjoy themselves. I’m not a sadist, so I personally prefer when the bottom is enjoying it. Playful is fun. Of course, as someone who craves discipline, I fully understand the need to be “mean” sometimes and am able to provide a severe discipline session when warranted. Judicial punishments have always pushed my buttons on some level, but they aren’t something I’ve gotten to have a whole lot of real life experience with yet. I did volunteer for the judicial punishment event at the Chicago Crimson Moon party last October, and it was exciting to be restrained and paddled in front of a crowd in a judicial setting. I have dished out the occasional judicial caning session as well.
ATS: You admit to having a huge toy bag. What are your favorite spanking and corporal punishment implements? Do you reserve specific implements for disciplinary or judicial spankings?
LS: I love variety. I have most things you could imagine, and some more unusual ones like an unused (on bugs) fly swatter, a shoe horn – once I even bought a rubber toy snake which looks silly but hurts! I have too many things to take them all when I travel, so if someone wants something specific they should ask me to pack it while I’m still at home!
My go-to implements are usually pretty traditional. I have a hairbrush which I really love being spanked with, I think because it stings a lot but is hollow inside. The sensation reminds me of that xylophone pipe! I use it a lot to give spankings too, as well as an old belt of my husband’s which has long been an implement which gives a delightful sting, but doesn’t do too much damage. It’s very good for warm ups for clients with a good tolerance, and the whole session for those without much tolerance. When I have to dish out punishment, a London Tanner strap, cane, heavier paddle, bath brush, or an assortment thereof, tends to be most effective. The bath brush is usually reserved for severe tearful punishments, but everyone is different. I have one client who loves it very hard after a warm up, just for fun!
ATS: How about a favorite position?
LS: I love OTK for its intimacy factor and its traditional domestic discipline factor. It is most reminiscent of childhood for me and brings up certain feelings that go back to my earliest fantasies. It is, however, not the most practical position for most implements, so my favorite for moving past the warm up is having the bottom lay on the bed over a pillow or on all fours. As a top, I find I am able to do my best work with the bottom in this position, and as a bottom I am able to be comfortable aside from the discomfort on my bottom so I like it from either side. Of course, it is always fun to spice things up, and I enjoy trying all the positions like diaper, bent over, grabbing ankles, and anything else I may have forgotten.
ATS: As a top or bottom, what role play scenarios do you love to do? What scenes, if any, violate your limits? Why?
LS: Again, domestic scenarios do it for me the most as a bottom. Authority figure/little girl and naughty housewife are some of my favorites. I really love acting and variety though, so there isn’t much I won’t try, though some things come far more naturally than others. As a top, I don’t have too many limits and try to cater to my client’s desires. I do have a limit of nothing overtly sexual with anyone but my husband because we are monogamous. Scene limits for me have sometimes changed over time as I have grown and changed myself. There was a time when topping was a limit for me! One limit I don’t see changing is humiliation. I can do some as a top if it’s what the bottom requests, and I can have fun with it under the right circumstances, but it does not come naturally. However, if you insult me, try to force anything sexual on me, do more damage than I consented to, or hit me in the wrong areas and don’t listen about it, we won’t be playing again. There may be other scenarios I’d find distasteful, but most of the typical stuff is all good with me.
ATS: You are based in Southern California and travel in that state and the Southwest. Do you anticipate traveling to other places to interact with fans?
LS: I am currently traveling all over Southern California on a pretty regular basis doing both shoots and sessions. Normally I travel at least once a month to San Diego, but lately I have been stepping it up a bit and trying to fit in as much as possible, including trips to the Orange County area. I am going to have foot surgery November 4th, which I’m told will have me out of commission for at least three months, so I will not be able to take any sessions during that time, but I certainly plan to be back in action as soon as I am able!
I do not have any imminent plans to travel out of state for that reason, but perhaps in coming years I will start doing that more again. I have in the past for spanking parties made several trips to Chicago, Texas, and occasionally travel to Las Vegas.
ATS: Do your family and vanilla friends know what you do, and what do they think of it?
LS: Most of my family does not know. My husband Robert of course knows, is also into BDSM and films videos occasionally. I’m lucky to have found a wonderful man who really gets me on every level, enjoys many of the same things, and fully supports my unconventional occupation. I am largely an introvert and live in a small town, so I only have a few local people I consider close vanilla friends who I trust. I did over time come out to them, and they had no problem with it at all. In fact, they all thought it was pretty cool and all did videos with me for my site. They all enjoyed it on some level, and I don’t think any of them are 100% vanilla. They all “get it.”
ATS: Do you offer DVDs or clips that your fans may purchase? Have you worked with any of the other spanking studios?
LS: Yes, I have many videos available through my site, Lily Starr Spanking and have worked with various others including Disciplinary Arts, Sarah Gregory Spanking, Alex in Spankingland, Stevie Rose’s I Heart Spankings, Spanking 101, Beat Bottoms with Vanny, Alicia Panettiere, and Mistress Penelope St. Devi. Additionally, I will be shooting upcoming releases for Northern Spanking with my dear friend Alex Reynolds and her charming beau Paul Kennedy this coming week!
ATS: How would we obtain these?
LS: My site has links for various options to purchase my work. Individual video downloads can be purchased at either http://clips4sale.com/30486 or http://www.spankinglibrary.com/store/33. I also offer a monthly streaming membership that includes every one of the approximately 300+ and counting videos I’ve ever posted for a flat monthly rate: http://www.lilystarr.c4slive.com. I have many new exclusive clips with a lot of different models releasing on my site in the near future which will be available via any of those links.
I do not currently have a store for DVDs, but do offer the option for anyone interested in ordering one with any of my clips or any combination of my clips if they simply write to me and inquire at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Disciplinary Arts and I Heart Spankings have a few exclusive videos of me and so does Spanking 101. Sarah Gregory has one exclusive clip of Robert and me. My upcoming work for Northern Spanking and Alex in Spankingland will also be exclusive on their sites.
ATS: What do you like about spanking? Dislike?
LS: This feels like a very simple question that could have a very long and complex answer. It’s hard to explain why I like it, remember I studied psychology and still couldn’t fully figure it out! Again, I think we tend to be wired this way, but if I think about what really appeals to me, as a bottom, it’s a combination of feeling loved, cared for and protected, with that endorphin rush from the pain added in. I’m also what’s considered a “little” and it’s something the child in me needs. Sure, it turns me on, but it can be so much more than that.
As a top, yes, something about having that much power over someone is exciting, too. It’s fun to hurt them in a good way, and as discussed above, it can be richly rewarding to help someone reach their goals in a more serious scenario or to help them fulfill lifelong fantasies.
I don’t know that there’s anything I dislike about spanking. I dislike when people in the scene don’t treat each other the way they’d like to be treated, and I dislike the way the media and society often portrays/views us. I dislike having to keep it a secret to a large degree because people would judge. But, I can’t think of anything I dislike about consensual adult spanking itself!
ATS: Thanks again for taking the time to chat with me, Ms. Starr. You are truly an intriguing individual. Is there anything else you would like to comment on?
LS: Thank you for featuring me on your site! I can’t think of a whole lot more to say, other than to thank the fans, colleagues, and other wonderful spanking people who have contributed to my success and made my life so fulfilling, exciting and interesting. I appreciate all those who have supported me along this path very very much!